[22 Dec 2009|11:51am] internetqueen13 [ mood | sad ] [ music | Christmas Music. 99.9 KEZ. ] Life.... Oh life.... Why do you do me so wrong these days?! Lost my job at the beginning of December. December 1st to be exact. Wasn't as upset as I thought I was going to be but it turns out that I'm starting to feel worse and worse about it every day. Applied for unemployment and it has gone through but I haven't started receiving anything because some other lady was getting unemployment underneath my social security number. I went in and took care of it so now I'm just waiting for them to do their part. Looked into a few jobs but with the holidays right around the corner, there isn't much out there. There hasn't been much out there lately anyway. Losing my job at Tsys was really my own fault. Was in the process of becoming permanent and of course my credit check failed. Stupid thing to lose a job over, I know. But it happened and it probably happens every day to other people. Spherion is suppose to be helping me find another job but nothing so far. I miss Lisa and the rest of the gang at Tsys terribly. My day's consist of nothing and it just depresses me that much more. Joshua and Will officially broke it off for good. They've been over for at least a month and a half now, maybe more. I hardly talk let alone get to see Joshua these days. He found somebody else to occupy his time so I stay out of it. Haven't really been talking to a lot of people these days. Brittany and I got into a little argument not too long ago. She started dating some 27 year old guy named Josh (Jesus, right? Because there aren't already too many Josh's in my life.) who she met on Myspace. He's apparently bi-polar and all they ever do is argue. She merged her phone bill with his and I told her she was making a mistake and from there, we all know how the story goes. Last I heard, they are doing better but who knows anymore. Things could get better or completely turn bad and end up worse then what she was dealing with. I've seen Kaiti a few times in the past month. Things between her and Chris are still the same. As far as I know at least. For the most part, I don't text with anyone anymore and I definitely do not go out and hang with anyone. I've been trying to spend as much time as possible with my Josh but his work schedule sucks and I usually end up going 3 or more days without seeing him. His schedule has been effed up because of the holidays anyway so I guess it's just something I have to deal with. The weekend before I lost my job, I said the "L" word to him. Was extremely nervous but deep down, I knew he was going to say it back and he did. He's the first guy, outside of good friends and the men in my family, that I've told I love. I've never met a guy like Josh before. I always fall for the same type of guy but Josh has some really amazing pro's. And then again, he has some horrible cons. .sighs. The only thing I really fear is losing him to video games. He bought a PS3, named it Tina, and would pretty much spend every waking minute with her if he could. .rolls eyes. Gag me with a spoon. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a video game here and there and I do like movies, but that's not what I want to do all day long. Ugh... just thinking about this stresses me out even more then I already am. Josh and I are very much in love with one another but we have a long way to go. It's been almost 8 months and I wouldn't trade them for anything. I don't even remember if I updated about Halloween? Geeze. I do know I didn't update anything about Thanksgiving. It was a lonely one. Spent it with the moms, Brian and the 2 youngest siblings. Ate a lot of good food otherwise it was another uneventful year. Went over to Josh's house afterwards but the festivities had pretty much ended by the time I got there. Christmas Eve is Thursday and I have already made the decision to be out at the moms for her appetizers and opening a few gifts with the brothers. Unfortunately, I only half-shopped for everyone so I'm going to have to wait until after Christmas or until I get unemployment to finish. :/ This year, just like last, will be horrible. I don't care about the gifts. Honest. I just want everyone to get along and nobody is which makes it that much harder to fake a smile and pretend like everythings okay or going to be okay. The holidays are starting to become my least favorite time of the year and that sucks because I have ALWAYS loved any holiday throughout the year. Been avoiding the fatherly figure and Matthew as much as possible. Matthew has become a HUGE thief and I can't handle it. He stole my old cell phone and sold it, jacked my spare car key and was constantly stealing food for my work lunches out of my room. I have no tolerance for him and officially refuse to help him out as long as he's alive. He's working again, for a restaurant but he's still an ass and I don't mind not having him in my life. It's effed up that I cannot stand my own family. The fatherly figure is still dating his latest girlfriend, Stephanie. I don't even know if I've mentioned her in any of my last posts. She's alright I guess.. nothing special and not all that pretty but whatever. To each their own. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. After the new year, I will be looking for another job. Supposidly the economy has started getting better and there will be new jobs in 2010 but I'm not gonna hold my breath. The moms has been out of a job for a year and a half now and she's applied to almost everything that she's eligible for. Right now, I have nothing but negativity running through my blood. I have tried looking on the bright side but I'm just not interested. Come March, Josh may not have anywhere to live. Scratch that, it may be even sooner then that now that Lila and Jimmy aren't doing well again. I'm really not welcome anywhere I go, including both of my parents house. Everywhere I turn, someone or something is failing. I would kill to be 15 again. No joke. Ran into Sarah's mom the other day at Chili's. Sarah came walking around the corner not long after. We didn't acknowledge eachother which is what I expected. Running into people can sometimes be a nightmare. I probably have other things to update about but they aren't that exciting nor important. Since I never update when I mean to, I guess nothing I have to say is important. I have no idea what were doing for New Years Eve. Probably will be out at the moms, getting drunk. Woo. Not. This is what my life has become. I don't go out with anyone anymore. Being broke doesn't help that situation either. Amber and I have been meaning to reconnect but we have yet to do that. She leaves me Facebook status comments and photo comments but every-time we try to actually meet up, she flakes. Were gonna try again this week but I don't see it happening. I miss hanging out with her and the random partying we did. Speaking of random, don't talk to Nick all that much these days. Everyone has pretty much gone their seperate ways. What was I suppose to expect? All of us to be good friends til we die? Ha. Riiiiiight. Since graduation, I still wish I could go back and re-do certain aspects of my life. The moms is back from shopping so were gonna start baking. Who knows when I'll update next. And to be honest, I'm sure I don't even care if I do or not. Peace out. <3. Peace.

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